Domesticated Lady

I didn't want to. And I almost didn't make me. I didn't want to leave my bed. The truth was, I could use some extra sleep. I didn't want to shower. I didn't want to wash away anything...memories in particular. I didn't want to be a wife. Or a mom. Or a teacher. I wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. My thoughts. Wild thoughts. Racing thoughts. Rage-filled thoughts. I was confused, hurt and angry. Friday night I couldn't sleep. I was engulfed by a pain that I've only felt twice before. The first was two-weeks after my C-section. It was at this time that my lupus, which was dormant my entire pregnancy, decided to wake back up. The second time was on February 15, 2018. The night a friend and his toddler sob lost their lives in an act of reckless violence that left an entire community heartbroken. This Friday, I didn't fall asleep until 2 a.m. . When it feels as though you're being electrocuted, sleep is ever evasive. I be...

According to my schedule, I should have published a week ago. But life had its own plans. I ended up more fatigued than usual due to a late and brutal visit from "Aunt Flow." And because she's mean even under the best of circumstances, I laid down while she had her way with me. This act of nature threw me off so much. Everything was behind schedule. So much so, that I'm still playing catch-up. One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision. Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in ...

Earlier this week I saw a video of a little girl who is one year younger than my daughter. In this video the little girl was reading a book without assistance. And she did an absolutely amazing job. My daughter is very bright, and can sound out words using the Fundamental Phonics techniques she's been introduced to. But, it is a tedious and slow-moving process that often times leaves us both extremely frustrated. Now, we JUST started the phonics program a month ago. And my child can sound and blend. She can't feel too much pressure or her anxiety will take over. When her anxiety takes over, she completely shuts down and learning becomes impossible. This is one of the many reasons I home school. And yet, seeing this younger child reading fluidly did something to me. I started to get angry with my child for how slowly the long-way is moving. I felt like she is just too smart to NOT be able to read already. My frustration began to build until my eye started to twitch. And th...

In Part 1 of this two-part post, I go into detail about how I manage my newly domesticated life via the P.D.C.A . method. I also explain that this method can be used to help facilitate reaching any type of goal. I only briefly mention what to do if the plan doesn't turn out because I wanted to wait to address completely failed plans in this post. So what if you've made and followed a plan? Then made necessary adjustments? Have been completely committed without falling off or becoming distracted? What if you've allowed enough time? What if you've done your part, but the goal isn't being met? And I mean, NO part of the plan is working! In fact, the more you work it, the further away the goal becomes... It's time for me to pause to say this... I am a Christian. This means I believe that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are three parts that make up the one true, living God who is the author and finisher of everything that is, was or w...

It amazes me how often I'm asked, "But HOW do you manage it ALL?" Saying that I homeschool is enough for most people to think I'm nuts or have some type of super power. But when they learn that I homeschool AND work AND run the budget AND clean the house 99% of the time AND read books for fun & development AND prepare for Sunday School AND cook 95% of ALL of our meals ALL while managing my weight (90 lbs down) AND my lupus, they start to look ill. Or, they simply don't believe me. To be fair, before I grew to this point, I would have felt the same way. I also would have felt inadequate in my own efforts to manage my life. But, I don't like for people to have to dwell in the dark places that had once consumed me. So, I'm going to share my secret. A few years ago I was listening to a CD that changed my life. I don't remember the name of the CD or the man speaking. But, I remember feeling empowered once it was finished. A little bit of bac...

And I'm BACK!!! The month of May was so full, that I needed to take a recovery break. I truly believe in self-care, and that charity begins at home. Furthermore, sticking to my beliefs allowed me to avoid a serious illness that usually brings up the rear of busy periods. See, there was the 1.5 hour road trip and carnival during the first weekend, Mother's Day on weekend number 2, the Walk to End Lupus Now on the third weekend, and we rounded the month off with our fun-filled holiday weekend. Of course, I still had to tend to my domesticated duties and home school responsibilities during this busy season. And there's still my client whose needs must be met 5 days a week. Also, I was captain of my lupus walk team, and that comes with so many extra responsibilities, that I'm still trying to figure out how I survived the month. And if I didn't have enough to deal with, there were the attitudes and lack of follow-through from people who had committed to help, bu...