Domesticated Lady

According to my schedule, I should have published a week ago. But life had its own plans. I ended up more fatigued than usual due to a late and brutal visit from "Aunt Flow." And because she's mean even under the best of circumstances, I laid down while she had her way with me. This act of nature threw me off so much. Everything was behind schedule. So much so, that I'm still playing catch-up. One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision. Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in ...

Last week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. That is, with regards to my health. I had mouth sores that made it impossible to eat. A stomach ache that left my dry heaving. Sores in my scalp that were bloody. Swelling in my joints that caused a pain that left me grounded. And fatigue so severe that I felt confused for most of the week. I'm used to these symptoms. You see, they show up every time I have a LUPUS flare. Sometimes the symptoms are mild and relatively bearable. And then there are times like last week, where I'm certain that death is hovering over my deformed body. And if I'm totally honest, there are days when I know that going with Grim would require much less effort than fighting him off, again.  Flares like this last one leave me terrified of the arrival of the next one. And I promise you, there will be a next one.  Most people have no clue what Lupus is. So I'm going to take a moment to fill you in. Lupus is an autoimmune disease. This m...

When I was a working wife and mom with Lupus, I would often start my days just as exhausted as I ended them . In my frequent searches to better understand an illness I will have until I die, I discovered the fatigue that is responsible for the frustratingly, embarrassing condition known as Lupus Fog . Basically, your body is so tired and in so much pain that it has caused your brain to check out. You feel confused, with an inability to form coherent sentences. You lose your ability to remember even the most important pieces of information, even with the aid of memorization strategies. Personally, I have had to stop in the middle of grocery shopping because I couldn't remember what I needed to get even though I was holding a list! The only cure is to use rest to reset. Now, I thought that domestication would require much less from me than the workplace wilderness. The truth is, if you're taking care of your spouse and child(ren) and home, and keeping up with schedules...