Domesticated Lady

The last time I had a year this trying, I tried to kill myself. Literally. I wanted to die. I figured dying had to be less painful. Thank God I failed!!! It was the first time I ever appreciated failure... I got the help I needed, and now I help those in need. I'm in a much better place now. So no, suicidal thoughts aren't floating around my head. In fact, I'm hopeful. So much so, that I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store for me.  2018 forced me to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The woman I am today is stronger and wiser than the woman who started this blog. I've been betrayed, unemployed, back-stabbed, lied on and cheated. I was used and manipulated. I was cast out and misquoted. I have grieved the death of a friend and the death of a relationship . I have stayed up at night worrying about people I care about the most. I have had hiccups and upsets all while navigating the day-to-day life of a wife/mom/teacher. And yet... I...

It amazes me how often I'm asked, "But HOW do you manage it ALL?" Saying that I homeschool is enough for most people to think I'm nuts or have some type of super power. But when they learn that I homeschool AND work AND run the budget AND clean the house 99% of the time AND read books for fun & development AND prepare for Sunday School AND cook 95% of ALL of our meals ALL while managing my weight (90 lbs down) AND my lupus, they start to look ill. Or, they simply don't believe me. To be fair, before I grew to this point, I would have felt the same way. I also would have felt inadequate in my own efforts to manage my life. But, I don't like for people to have to dwell in the dark places that had once consumed me. So, I'm going to share my secret. A few years ago I was listening to a CD that changed my life. I don't remember the name of the CD or the man speaking. But, I remember feeling empowered once it was finished. A little bit of bac...

If being a woman in today's society was a hashtag, it would probably look something like this: #BossLikeAGirl!!!  Personally, I know more women entrepreneurs, professionals, in positions of power, with multiple degrees, with multiple jobs and with multiple lives than ever before. And these are young women. The most recent example of this is a young woman who quit her job on her 27th birthday to go into business for herself. Women are able to adapt at the drop of a hat.  "This week's check was short. Okay. Lemme wait to get... Now carry on." We hold the weight of the stress of having to make suddenly inconvenient changes without sweating or stumbling. You see, sweat ruins our make-up and stumbling scuffs our shoes.  When German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsch first stated " That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger ," I'm almost sure he'd been observing women. Just this week alone, I had to jump back into life as if my child hadn...

"Repeat after me", my young pastor instructed from behind the pulpit. "I do NOT belong to myself!" "I do NOT belong to myself", chanted the congregation in stunned obedience. And that's when it hit me, again. I'm simply here to serve so that I can fulfill my earthly purpose . Once I have, it'll be time for me to go live with Jesus. You see, until I fulfill my requirements, I'm going to remain here. Regardless of the lupus I have, the neighborhood I live in and/or the obstacles I face. Therefore, none of those things should take up more time than what's needed to move pass them, so that I can keep moving along. In fact, I am certain that each of those things are distractions meant to keep me from reaching the goal.  Well, not today Satan. I'm fortunate in that, I know what my spiritual gift is. I was made to be a teacher . But not in the traditional way. The funny thing is, I never wanted to be a teacher , but life's...

Last week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. That is, with regards to my health. I had mouth sores that made it impossible to eat. A stomach ache that left my dry heaving. Sores in my scalp that were bloody. Swelling in my joints that caused a pain that left me grounded. And fatigue so severe that I felt confused for most of the week. I'm used to these symptoms. You see, they show up every time I have a LUPUS flare. Sometimes the symptoms are mild and relatively bearable. And then there are times like last week, where I'm certain that death is hovering over my deformed body. And if I'm totally honest, there are days when I know that going with Grim would require much less effort than fighting him off, again.  Flares like this last one leave me terrified of the arrival of the next one. And I promise you, there will be a next one.  Most people have no clue what Lupus is. So I'm going to take a moment to fill you in. Lupus is an autoimmune disease. This m...

I've got about 4.5 active friendships. I'm friendly, kind and courteous to far more people, but I wouldn't count them as friends. If I'm totally honest, I used to be friends with some of them, but we outgrew one another. With others, I thought we were friends, until they proved me wrong and the rest were just people I sorta, kinda knew from around the way. Speaking briefly about the friendships I outgrew, I will admit that my younger self did not know such a thing was possible. Realizing I was at the end of a relationship has always stung, but I've learned something valuable from each of them. With regards to the people I cared about more than they cared about me, I learned something there too. Always believe and operate within the boundaries of who a person is, not the potential they have.  You see, grave yards are full of buried potential.  This is why, I cherish each one of my friends. I hurt when they hurt. I get mad for them. I don't let their...