Domesticated Lady

The last time I had a year this trying, I tried to kill myself. Literally. I wanted to die. I figured dying had to be less painful. Thank God I failed!!! It was the first time I ever appreciated failure... I got the help I needed, and now I help those in need. I'm in a much better place now. So no, suicidal thoughts aren't floating around my head. In fact, I'm hopeful. So much so, that I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store for me.  2018 forced me to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The woman I am today is stronger and wiser than the woman who started this blog. I've been betrayed, unemployed, back-stabbed, lied on and cheated. I was used and manipulated. I was cast out and misquoted. I have grieved the death of a friend and the death of a relationship . I have stayed up at night worrying about people I care about the most. I have had hiccups and upsets all while navigating the day-to-day life of a wife/mom/teacher. And yet... I...

It amazes me how often I'm asked, "But HOW do you manage it ALL?" Saying that I homeschool is enough for most people to think I'm nuts or have some type of super power. But when they learn that I homeschool AND work AND run the budget AND clean the house 99% of the time AND read books for fun & development AND prepare for Sunday School AND cook 95% of ALL of our meals ALL while managing my weight (90 lbs down) AND my lupus, they start to look ill. Or, they simply don't believe me. To be fair, before I grew to this point, I would have felt the same way. I also would have felt inadequate in my own efforts to manage my life. But, I don't like for people to have to dwell in the dark places that had once consumed me. So, I'm going to share my secret. A few years ago I was listening to a CD that changed my life. I don't remember the name of the CD or the man speaking. But, I remember feeling empowered once it was finished. A little bit of bac...

And I'm BACK!!! The month of May was so full, that I needed to take a recovery break. I truly believe in self-care, and that charity begins at home. Furthermore, sticking to my beliefs allowed me to avoid a serious illness that usually brings up the rear of busy periods. See, there was the 1.5 hour road trip and carnival during the first weekend, Mother's Day on weekend number 2, the Walk to End Lupus Now on the third weekend, and we rounded the month off with our fun-filled holiday weekend. Of course, I still had to tend to my domesticated duties and home school responsibilities during this busy season. And there's still my client whose needs must be met 5 days a week. Also, I was captain of my lupus walk team, and that comes with so many extra responsibilities, that I'm still trying to figure out how I survived the month. And if I didn't have enough to deal with, there were the attitudes and lack of follow-through from people who had committed to help, bu...

If being a woman in today's society was a hashtag, it would probably look something like this: #BossLikeAGirl!!!  Personally, I know more women entrepreneurs, professionals, in positions of power, with multiple degrees, with multiple jobs and with multiple lives than ever before. And these are young women. The most recent example of this is a young woman who quit her job on her 27th birthday to go into business for herself. Women are able to adapt at the drop of a hat.  "This week's check was short. Okay. Lemme wait to get... Now carry on." We hold the weight of the stress of having to make suddenly inconvenient changes without sweating or stumbling. You see, sweat ruins our make-up and stumbling scuffs our shoes.  When German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsch first stated " That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger ," I'm almost sure he'd been observing women. Just this week alone, I had to jump back into life as if my child hadn...

I was embarrassed. I became domesticated under a set of circumstances that I did not choose. I felt like dead weight. I've always worked for what I want. I was afraid of depending solely on my husband's income. I was angry for trusting someone who didn't deserve to be trusted. I was delighted when I got my first client. I felt important again. I was re-filled with a sense of purpose . I could make financial contributions again. I would no longer be a burden . I gained access to BOTH worlds: The Workplace Wilderness AND Destination Domestication!!! I would ONLY mention one of them, because I was still ashamed of being domesticated. Until... My husband and I were having an end of the day chat. He asked me how was staying at home? So I confessed that it was a delight, but that I was also grateful to be able to contribute to the finances. He looked at me pointedly. Deep in thought. Before finally saying, "I thought you said that your m...

I'm back!!! I skipped last week in order to grieve thoroughly, so that I could come back and chat with a clear mind. On Thursday, February 15, 2018 a friend of mine and his toddler son were slain in their own suburban home.  That night, I had trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep. It was storming, and my Restless Leg Syndrome was in rare form. I felt as though I were being stabbed, over and over again . Relief finally began to arrive in minuscule doses around 9:30 pm, so that by 10:15 pm, I had finally fallen asleep. Imagine my utter frustration when my husband's phone rang around 10:40 pm with the tragic news of an attack that left me feeling robbed. Disbelief . In its rawest form. I wasn't even sad at first. How can something you don't believe in hurt you? But after having the local news confirm my two original sources, I started to feel the loss only being violated can cause.  I was wounded. Cut deep. Shot. Delivered a blow. I have yet to...

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a wife and mom. I knew I wanted to stay home and care for my children and serve my husband by creating a kingdom of peace called home. As I matured, the feeling grew stronger, but I was intelligent. I exceeded every low expectation given to the product of a teen pregnancy in the 80's. After graduating from college into a recession, I went into the only field I had experience in; childcare. I never wanted to work with children in that capacity, but I stayed in the field. I worked with children from every cultural and economic background in Saint Louis, MO and surrounding areas. I deepened my skills and knowledge base while adding years of experience under my belt. While I was flourishing in my professional development, I was suffering personally. Depression and anxiety started to consume me. It is so easy to lose your focus when real life doesn't meet the expectations of your fantasies . I was lost. I was confused. I was hurtin...