The last time I had a year this trying, I tried to kill myself.
Literally.
I wanted to die.
I figured dying had to be less painful.
Thank God I failed!!!
It was the first time I ever appreciated failure...
I got the help I needed, and now I help those in need. I'm in a much better place now. So no, suicidal thoughts aren't floating around my head.
In fact, I'm hopeful. So much so, that I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store for me.
2018 forced me to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The woman I am today is stronger and wiser than the woman who started this blog.
I've been betrayed, unemployed, back-stabbed, lied on and cheated. I was used and manipulated. I was cast out and misquoted. I have grieved the death of a friend and the death of a relationship. I have stayed up at night worrying about people I care about the most. I have had hiccups and upsets all while navigating the day-to-day life of a wife/mom/teacher.
And yet...
I've never gone to bed hungry. All of the bills have been paid, in full. My child is completing course work of 2nd graders in the local schools. My marriage and friendships are stronger. Some familial relationships are beginning to heal. All of my needs and the needs of my family have been met. I've been gifted things from people I NEVER expected. My waist is smaller and my hair is fuller. And my nephew is STILL HERE after finally having his tumor removed!!!
To be totally honest, I AM EXHAUSTED!!!
Even my exhaustion is worn.
I have kept my promise to myself to keep moving forward while my heart hurts and my mind wanders. And the energy required to operate as if it doesn't hurt is draining. The good thing is, thanks to Lupus, I have ample amounts of practice.
My entire existence revolves around me faking feeling better than I actually do.
But as I stated before, I'm excited about the next chapter.
Something(s) is about to manifest in my life.
There is NO WAY God spent an entire year toughening me up, just to keep me where I've already been. This awareness makes me a little nervous, because I know I'm going to have to leave my comfort zone. But even things of great value become worthless if they aren't operating in their intended purpose.
I guess I'm eager to continue to discover mine.
Until next year,
A Newly Domesticated Lady
Literally.
I wanted to die.
I figured dying had to be less painful.
Thank God I failed!!!
It was the first time I ever appreciated failure...
I got the help I needed, and now I help those in need. I'm in a much better place now. So no, suicidal thoughts aren't floating around my head.
In fact, I'm hopeful. So much so, that I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store for me.
2018 forced me to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The woman I am today is stronger and wiser than the woman who started this blog.
I've been betrayed, unemployed, back-stabbed, lied on and cheated. I was used and manipulated. I was cast out and misquoted. I have grieved the death of a friend and the death of a relationship. I have stayed up at night worrying about people I care about the most. I have had hiccups and upsets all while navigating the day-to-day life of a wife/mom/teacher.
And yet...
I've never gone to bed hungry. All of the bills have been paid, in full. My child is completing course work of 2nd graders in the local schools. My marriage and friendships are stronger. Some familial relationships are beginning to heal. All of my needs and the needs of my family have been met. I've been gifted things from people I NEVER expected. My waist is smaller and my hair is fuller. And my nephew is STILL HERE after finally having his tumor removed!!!
To be totally honest, I AM EXHAUSTED!!!
Even my exhaustion is worn.
I have kept my promise to myself to keep moving forward while my heart hurts and my mind wanders. And the energy required to operate as if it doesn't hurt is draining. The good thing is, thanks to Lupus, I have ample amounts of practice.
My entire existence revolves around me faking feeling better than I actually do.
But as I stated before, I'm excited about the next chapter.
Something(s) is about to manifest in my life.
There is NO WAY God spent an entire year toughening me up, just to keep me where I've already been. This awareness makes me a little nervous, because I know I'm going to have to leave my comfort zone. But even things of great value become worthless if they aren't operating in their intended purpose.
I guess I'm eager to continue to discover mine.
Until next year,
A Newly Domesticated Lady
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