Domesticated Lady

The last time I had a year this trying, I tried to kill myself. Literally. I wanted to die. I figured dying had to be less painful. Thank God I failed!!! It was the first time I ever appreciated failure... I got the help I needed, and now I help those in need. I'm in a much better place now. So no, suicidal thoughts aren't floating around my head. In fact, I'm hopeful. So much so, that I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store for me.  2018 forced me to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The woman I am today is stronger and wiser than the woman who started this blog. I've been betrayed, unemployed, back-stabbed, lied on and cheated. I was used and manipulated. I was cast out and misquoted. I have grieved the death of a friend and the death of a relationship . I have stayed up at night worrying about people I care about the most. I have had hiccups and upsets all while navigating the day-to-day life of a wife/mom/teacher. And yet... I...

According to my schedule, I should have published a week ago. But life had its own plans. I ended up more fatigued than usual due to a late and brutal visit from "Aunt Flow." And because she's mean even under the best of circumstances, I laid down while she had her way with me. This act of nature threw me off so much. Everything was behind schedule. So much so, that I'm still playing catch-up. One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision. Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in ...

In Part 1 of this two-part post, I go into detail about how I manage my newly domesticated life via the P.D.C.A . method. I also explain that this method can be used to help facilitate reaching any type of goal. I only briefly mention what to do if the plan doesn't turn out because I wanted to wait to address completely failed plans in this post. So what if you've made and followed a plan? Then made necessary adjustments? Have been completely committed without falling off or becoming distracted? What if you've allowed enough time? What if you've done your part, but the goal isn't being met? And I mean, NO part of the plan is working! In fact, the more you work it, the further away the goal becomes... It's time for me to pause to say this... I am a Christian. This means I believe that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit are three parts that make up the one true, living God who is the author and finisher of everything that is, was or w...

"Repeat after me", my young pastor instructed from behind the pulpit. "I do NOT belong to myself!" "I do NOT belong to myself", chanted the congregation in stunned obedience. And that's when it hit me, again. I'm simply here to serve so that I can fulfill my earthly purpose . Once I have, it'll be time for me to go live with Jesus. You see, until I fulfill my requirements, I'm going to remain here. Regardless of the lupus I have, the neighborhood I live in and/or the obstacles I face. Therefore, none of those things should take up more time than what's needed to move pass them, so that I can keep moving along. In fact, I am certain that each of those things are distractions meant to keep me from reaching the goal.  Well, not today Satan. I'm fortunate in that, I know what my spiritual gift is. I was made to be a teacher . But not in the traditional way. The funny thing is, I never wanted to be a teacher , but life's...

I was embarrassed. I became domesticated under a set of circumstances that I did not choose. I felt like dead weight. I've always worked for what I want. I was afraid of depending solely on my husband's income. I was angry for trusting someone who didn't deserve to be trusted. I was delighted when I got my first client. I felt important again. I was re-filled with a sense of purpose . I could make financial contributions again. I would no longer be a burden . I gained access to BOTH worlds: The Workplace Wilderness AND Destination Domestication!!! I would ONLY mention one of them, because I was still ashamed of being domesticated. Until... My husband and I were having an end of the day chat. He asked me how was staying at home? So I confessed that it was a delight, but that I was also grateful to be able to contribute to the finances. He looked at me pointedly. Deep in thought. Before finally saying, "I thought you said that your m...

I'm back!!! I skipped last week in order to grieve thoroughly, so that I could come back and chat with a clear mind. On Thursday, February 15, 2018 a friend of mine and his toddler son were slain in their own suburban home.  That night, I had trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep. It was storming, and my Restless Leg Syndrome was in rare form. I felt as though I were being stabbed, over and over again . Relief finally began to arrive in minuscule doses around 9:30 pm, so that by 10:15 pm, I had finally fallen asleep. Imagine my utter frustration when my husband's phone rang around 10:40 pm with the tragic news of an attack that left me feeling robbed. Disbelief . In its rawest form. I wasn't even sad at first. How can something you don't believe in hurt you? But after having the local news confirm my two original sources, I started to feel the loss only being violated can cause.  I was wounded. Cut deep. Shot. Delivered a blow. I have yet to...

It's the day before Valentine's Day, and my 4:00 am alarm is screaming at me. I swear the nights are getting shorter. I know that I just laid down.  I'm hesitant to submit to the dictation of the intrusive alarm for a variety of reasons: The first being, I'm tired . I mean, it's 4:00 am. Another being, this week is moving too quickly and I'm feeling over-whelmed at the thought of not meeting my own expectations. The main reason is the fact that this alarm is specifically set, so that I can make my husband breakfast, pack him a snack and assist him as needed before he leaves for work. And after having one of those marital spats, I'm not in the mood to serve him. In fact, I want nothing to do with him at the moment, and I believe that I can teach him a lesson by "forgetting" to meet his needs. I want him as upset as I am. I want him to work for my affections, to earn his meal and my help. I want him aware that this is a sacrifice that I mak...