Domesticated Lady

According to my schedule, I should have published a week ago. But life had its own plans. I ended up more fatigued than usual due to a late and brutal visit from "Aunt Flow." And because she's mean even under the best of circumstances, I laid down while she had her way with me. This act of nature threw me off so much. Everything was behind schedule. So much so, that I'm still playing catch-up. One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision. Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in ...

Earlier this week I saw a video of a little girl who is one year younger than my daughter. In this video the little girl was reading a book without assistance. And she did an absolutely amazing job. My daughter is very bright, and can sound out words using the Fundamental Phonics techniques she's been introduced to. But, it is a tedious and slow-moving process that often times leaves us both extremely frustrated. Now, we JUST started the phonics program a month ago. And my child can sound and blend. She can't feel too much pressure or her anxiety will take over. When her anxiety takes over, she completely shuts down and learning becomes impossible. This is one of the many reasons I home school. And yet, seeing this younger child reading fluidly did something to me. I started to get angry with my child for how slowly the long-way is moving. I felt like she is just too smart to NOT be able to read already. My frustration began to build until my eye started to twitch. And th...

I'm back!!! I skipped last week in order to grieve thoroughly, so that I could come back and chat with a clear mind. On Thursday, February 15, 2018 a friend of mine and his toddler son were slain in their own suburban home.  That night, I had trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep. It was storming, and my Restless Leg Syndrome was in rare form. I felt as though I were being stabbed, over and over again . Relief finally began to arrive in minuscule doses around 9:30 pm, so that by 10:15 pm, I had finally fallen asleep. Imagine my utter frustration when my husband's phone rang around 10:40 pm with the tragic news of an attack that left me feeling robbed. Disbelief . In its rawest form. I wasn't even sad at first. How can something you don't believe in hurt you? But after having the local news confirm my two original sources, I started to feel the loss only being violated can cause.  I was wounded. Cut deep. Shot. Delivered a blow. I have yet to...

I promised myself that I would sleep in . This is the statement making waves in my brain after I check the time on my phone. It's 5:02 am. And I'm wide awake, on this cold Saturday morning after having promising myself that I would sleep in. But my unwritten to-do list is assaulting the peace I need in order to get some sleep.  Earlier in the week, I washed 6 loads of laundry, went grocery shopping, paid bills, acquired an updated insurance policy, re-signed my lease and made a Sam's Club run all while keeping up with my other day-to-day tasks and chores. Friday night I was exhausted. So much so, that I howled in pure frustration when I realized I there was another 5 loads of laundry that HAD to be cleaned before Sunday. Here I was on Friday afternoon, swollen with pride at how the entire weekend could be taken at a slow pace, thanks to my efforts during the week. Seeing that basket left me feeling winded as if it had sprouted arms and punched me in the gut.  But ...

When I was a working wife and mom with Lupus, I would often start my days just as exhausted as I ended them . In my frequent searches to better understand an illness I will have until I die, I discovered the fatigue that is responsible for the frustratingly, embarrassing condition known as Lupus Fog . Basically, your body is so tired and in so much pain that it has caused your brain to check out. You feel confused, with an inability to form coherent sentences. You lose your ability to remember even the most important pieces of information, even with the aid of memorization strategies. Personally, I have had to stop in the middle of grocery shopping because I couldn't remember what I needed to get even though I was holding a list! The only cure is to use rest to reset. Now, I thought that domestication would require much less from me than the workplace wilderness. The truth is, if you're taking care of your spouse and child(ren) and home, and keeping up with schedules...