According to my schedule, I should have published a week ago. But life had its own plans. I ended up more fatigued than usual due to a late and brutal visit from "Aunt Flow." And because she's mean even under the best of circumstances, I laid down while she had her way with me. This act of nature threw me off so much. Everything was behind schedule. So much so, that I'm still playing catch-up.
One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision.
Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in the dead of night. I was often cranky and uncomfortable in situations that should have been enjoyable. I was always concerned about what would happen after the fun was over. After everyone went home. Once I was left alone. With my issues and my thoughts.
I was rigid. My schedule provided security. That security provided pseudo-comfort. And the faux sense of calmness helped me look like I was managing an illness that had completely taken over.
Eventually, all hell broke loose. And I was finally forced to get the help I so desperately needed. And even though I didn't agree with all form of treatment, I was now actually facing my problems head on. I researched natural remedies and techniques and put what I found into practice. I used the good old fashioned trial and error method that involved a revolving door of meds, therapists, support groups, home remedies, new routines and new ways of talking to myself until I found a combination that worked!
For the first time, I was in front of my anxiety instead of engulfed by it!!!
And I'm still in front of it. For me, the anxiety never disappeared. I just became great at managing it. I even try to help others manage their own. (As a non-expert, of course.)
I try to be an advocate for obtaining and maintaining good mental health. You see, just a few short years ago, falling behind would have kept me up at night. But not anymore. I enjoyed the break mother nature created for me. I needed it. I watched movies and read a book for fun. I baked cookies and drank hot cocoa without worrying about my diet. I cuddled with my kid. I woke up late and left dishes in the sink.
And I didn't let it bother me.
Instead, I adjusted. I went with the flow.
If I never learned to flow, then I could not be a good mom or teacher. Kids are the greatest plans disrupters ever created. If I refused to flow, I couldn't enjoy the little things. Like the changing of the leaves. Or falling snowflakes. Or autumn sunsets. Or butterfly kisses. Or the fact that my 13 year old car continues to start and stop when I need it to.
Learning to flow has decreased my stress and increased my peace.
I will always plan and set goals. Just as I will also flow. Life is about balance after all.
One of the worst things about being a natural born planner is the anxiety that arrives when things don't go according to plan. If I'm not on schedule, I worry about how badly things are going to turn out. I rarely act without over-thinking first. So, whatever I've decided on has more than one good reason that supports that decision.
Not too many years ago, that anxiety consumed me. I operated and was motivated by that anxiety. I did whatever it took to avoid that tightening of my chest and shortening of my breath feeling that often times left me wide awake in the dead of night. I was often cranky and uncomfortable in situations that should have been enjoyable. I was always concerned about what would happen after the fun was over. After everyone went home. Once I was left alone. With my issues and my thoughts.
I was rigid. My schedule provided security. That security provided pseudo-comfort. And the faux sense of calmness helped me look like I was managing an illness that had completely taken over.
Eventually, all hell broke loose. And I was finally forced to get the help I so desperately needed. And even though I didn't agree with all form of treatment, I was now actually facing my problems head on. I researched natural remedies and techniques and put what I found into practice. I used the good old fashioned trial and error method that involved a revolving door of meds, therapists, support groups, home remedies, new routines and new ways of talking to myself until I found a combination that worked!
For the first time, I was in front of my anxiety instead of engulfed by it!!!
And I'm still in front of it. For me, the anxiety never disappeared. I just became great at managing it. I even try to help others manage their own. (As a non-expert, of course.)
I try to be an advocate for obtaining and maintaining good mental health. You see, just a few short years ago, falling behind would have kept me up at night. But not anymore. I enjoyed the break mother nature created for me. I needed it. I watched movies and read a book for fun. I baked cookies and drank hot cocoa without worrying about my diet. I cuddled with my kid. I woke up late and left dishes in the sink.
And I didn't let it bother me.
Instead, I adjusted. I went with the flow.
If I never learned to flow, then I could not be a good mom or teacher. Kids are the greatest plans disrupters ever created. If I refused to flow, I couldn't enjoy the little things. Like the changing of the leaves. Or falling snowflakes. Or autumn sunsets. Or butterfly kisses. Or the fact that my 13 year old car continues to start and stop when I need it to.
Learning to flow has decreased my stress and increased my peace.
I will always plan and set goals. Just as I will also flow. Life is about balance after all.
Comments
Post a Comment