Friendly Fire

I've got about 4.5 active friendships. I'm friendly, kind and courteous to far more people, but I wouldn't count them as friends. If I'm totally honest, I used to be friends with some of them, but we outgrew one another. With others, I thought we were friends, until they proved me wrong and the rest were just people I sorta, kinda knew from around the way.

Speaking briefly about the friendships I outgrew, I will admit that my younger self did not know such a thing was possible. Realizing I was at the end of a relationship has always stung, but I've learned something valuable from each of them.

With regards to the people I cared about more than they cared about me, I learned something there too. Always believe and operate within the boundaries of who a person is, not the potential they have. 

You see, grave yards are full of buried potential. 

This is why, I cherish each one of my friends. I hurt when they hurt. I get mad for them. I don't let their kids be disrespectful in my presence. I listen to their frustrations. I encourage them to reach their goals and celebrate each time they're successful. I offer support and advice in their role as wife. And I do all of these things in the background.

I don't need people to know who intervened, only that an intervention is or has happened. 

This is mainly because one of my most common intervention methods, is telling it like it is. As each of them know, "I'm a diabetic, so I will not sugarcoat anything!" 

Let me say this. If you have a friend who you have never disagreed with, needed a break from, had to have a difficult conversation with or been corrected by, y'all not really friends. 

Flat out. Point blank. Period. 

If you have a friend who you don't feel like you can be totally honest and vulnerable with, for WHATEVER reason, y'all not friends either. 

If you have a friend who doesn't hurt when you're hurting or vice-versa, y'all not friends.

If you have a friend who is happy for you until s/he feels like you're doing better than him/her... lemme hear you say...

Y'all not friends!!!

For those of you desperately searching for correct grammar...

The two of you are not friends.

Personally, my tiny circle of friends are "the bomb dot com."
One of them has knocked on my door in the middle of the night (with back-up) just to check some of my erratic behavior. 
A second one is always shining a bright light on my flaws.
Another, flat-out told me that the way I dealt with a disagreement with my husband was down-right wrong. Then there's the one who saw me struggling with my child to the point of almost snapping and asked how she could help. 
Finally, there's the newest lady who completely confessed how her children leave her feeling at the end of the day.

For them, I'm the strong, level-headed professional with great ideas on how to strengthen the relationships they have in they're home. I'm also the Lupus Warrior who sometimes just can't commit because it's too much. With them, all I have to say is, "I can't." There's no need to explain, and no need to feel ashamed. 

Each of my friends are also professionals. They're making boss moves, one calculated step at a time. They do so with their families and careers in mind. They are driven, hard-working women who love hard. They work each day while battling depression, anxiety, grief, autoimmune diseases and concerns of competency. They use these dark areas as motivation to be better tomorrow than they are today. 

In other words, they operate in a similar manner to myself. We are each very different individuals with different personalities and professions. But, we are all like-minded. Meaning, we want to obtain our very best, and we want that for one another.

So why did I call this post "Friendly Fire"?

The answer is simple. I need the fire my friends ignite beneath my feet in order to thrive. 

Just like it does with gold, friendly and intentional fire removes my impurities, making me valuable to those who adorn themselves with me. And as far as I'm concerned, most people operate in the same manner.

Now, some people are so hard-headed, they need to be consumed by a forest fire before they can bloom. While others need to be coated in hot lava before becoming nutrient dense.

If the people you call friends won't burn you every once in a while, y'all not friends.

Now, let me be very clear. I'm not talking about those people who seek to set you on fire with the intentions of destroying you.

If you have a friend who seems to get a kick out of watching you burn, y'all not friends. 

Seeing you burn, should always make your real friends feel hot too.

Now I bet some of you have a clear image of a person who you are only just realizing isn't your friend. So, what should you do about it?

I have a simple solution, but it won't be easy. 

Wean them from your life and yourself from theirs. Don't talk to them as often. Hang out less. And when you do talk to or hang out with them, never disclose anything personal. 

This would include things that have upset you and goals that you are working on. This may also include success stories. (Remember, some people are cool until you become competition.) 

With the extra time you've created, solidify other relationships. Strategically create new personal goals and ways to achieve them. Remember, a goal with no date or plan is just an idea. 

Furthermore, make new friends. Figure out your point of view in life, and seek to develop relationships with like-minded individuals.

Finally, actively learn life lessons from each relationship you're in. It doesn't matter if it's for a season or a lifetime.

There is always something we can learn from one another. 


Signed,

A Newly Domesticated Lady

Dedicated to, T.P., K.M., M.T., J.S., & N.N.