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I Will To Love You Forevermore

It's the day before Valentine's Day, and my 4:00 am alarm is screaming at me. I swear the nights are getting shorter. I know that I just laid down. 

I'm hesitant to submit to the dictation of the intrusive alarm for a variety of reasons:
The first being, I'm tired. I mean, it's 4:00 am.
Another being, this week is moving too quickly and I'm feeling over-whelmed at the thought of not meeting my own expectations.
The main reason is the fact that this alarm is specifically set, so that I can make my husband breakfast, pack him a snack and assist him as needed before he leaves for work. And after having one of those marital spats, I'm not in the mood to serve him.

In fact, I want nothing to do with him at the moment, and I believe that I can teach him a lesson by "forgetting" to meet his needs. I want him as upset as I am. I want him to work for my affections, to earn his meal and my help. I want him aware that this is a sacrifice that I make so that he can be comfortable. My feelings are hurt, and he will either be the balm that soothes them, or be just as raw as I am. So I load my tongue with venom, and right when I'm about to cause unnecessary trouble, I remember that,

"It is better to live on a corner of a rooftop than in a house with a quarrelsome woman." Proverbs 21:9

And with that stinging reminder, I am completely disarmed. So I roll out of comfort of my bed and head to the kitchen.

I'm still hurting. Which is why after packing his food and drink, I get back into the bed before he leaves. Usually, I wait until he's gone, but I still have a point to prove. And since I don't want to be quarrelsome, I'll protest in silence.

He doesn't comment on this change in the routine. I'm sure he knows I'm frustrated. But he also doesn't match my spite. Instead he keeps his routine, and before he leaves, he lays his hands on me and prays for me. For my protection. For my strength. For my mental stamina. For my general well-being. And for my hurting spirit. And for it to be better. Especially if that means that he has to be better. And for wisdom on how to be better so that he can better meet my needs. 

And there it was... the balm that healed my hurting heart. 
And then he kissed me...rubbing the balm in.
And squeezed my shoulders... rubbing it deeper.
And told me to have a good day... deeper still.
And that he would see me later on... yet, deeper.

And I was reminded of the fact that I chose to love this man. That I even declared to do so in front of witnesses. For the rest of my life.

(I'm about to make somebody mad when I say this.) 

Love is a choice.

It is not something that just happens.
Hollywood has lied to us, causing mass confusion.
If you want some clarity in what love looks like turn to Jesus. When one chooses to love first and forever, it makes the person do things that don't make sense. (Like get up on a cross and die.)

Sometimes, love is so easy at the beginning that it feels like you couldn't help it. It's not until troubles arise, that you realize that you are choosing to answer to the most powerful motivator that has, does or will ever exist. It's then that you are consciously aware of every action you make with regards to you how feel about that person.

Marriage is a commitment to remain consciously aware of your decision to love your spouse, forevermore. Some days the weight of that commitment is so light, you don't even feel it. And then there are days when the weight is so heavy, it feels darn near impossible to move blankets so that you can get out of bed to cook his breakfast.

But if your commitments are never tested, then how will you ever know if you're really committed? And I promise you this, NO ONE will test your resolve to love like your spouse!!! Especially during those early years.

And with that being said, I will end on this note:

Mr. J. D. Davis,
I will to love you.
I will to love you when you at at your least lovable.
I will to love you when you make me mad.
I will to love you when I'm tired.
I will to love you when you lose your hair.
I will to love you if you get heavy.
I will to love you when you go gray.
I will to love you while we're broke.
I will to love you if we're ever rich.
I will to love you when your sinus drainage turns my stomach.
I will to love you in every misunderstanding.
I will to love you now.
Just like I willed to love you at the beginning of this now 9.5 year old journey.
Just like I will to love you forevermore.

Signed,

The Newly Domesticated Lady


 
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