This weekend, my husband and I watched season 1 of the Netflix original series, Seven Seconds. This season introduced us to three groups of people. The cops who killed and covered up the crime and their families, the victim's family and the detective and prosecutor duo who worked the case.
This season addressed issues such as the lack of trust between officers and the people they police, dirty cops, gang activity and the way different people handle grief and guilt.
So as not to give away too much, I'm going to connect the dots of relevancy between this series and my point. In order to control the behavior of his boys in blue, the head dirty cop kept reminding the others that they were family, and that family sticks together. It doesn't matter if you're a murdering drug dealer. Your family should support, condone and even cover-up your ill-doings just because you're family.
The crazy thing is, I actually have a family member who feels the same way.
This relative is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to her children. She sleeps around as if she's trying to set a record. She has very high highs and very low lows. In fact, the last week in January, she was seriously contemplating suicide. She has the ability to bring out the very worse in you, and then make you feel guilty for it. She refuses to accept responsibility for her actions. Every man she has had a child with has been abusive towards her, and she blames her childhood for her inability to have a healthy relationship.
She also lies. About anything. About everything. But she can't keep track of what she's said and who she said it to. She will lie when the truth will do. She has been this type of liar since she was a child. So much so, I have learned that if something she says doesn't make sense, it's a lie.
Finally, she is ALWAYS the victim!!!
And even with ALL of that, she can't understand why we aren't close. As far as she is concerned, I should allow us to have a closeness with one another, simply because we are blood related.
She wants me to put her desires above the requirements God has for me. She wants a position in my life that she has not earned.
This relative told me that I had no right crying over the death of a friend, because I did not cry when another one of boyfriends beat her up again. And she meant what she said. Because as far as she is concerned, "Blood is Thicker than Water."
And to that sentiment I say this, "Yes, blood is thicker. It's also messier."
Let's talk literally. Blood stains, permanently. We've all seen some type of forensics program where luminol will reveal blood that was spilled years before and even cleaned up. It doesn't matter if you can see it, smell it or are aware of it or not, that spilled blood is there. Usually you have to replace or repaint just so the damage it caused doesn't bother you. When water is spilled, you simply wipe it up, and you're done.
Continuing on our literal journey, what happens when you mix tainted blood with healthy blood? Does the healthy blood remove the HIV from the tainted blood, or does the virus spread making the healthy body its newest victim? Would really allow a man infected with HIV to penetrate your healthy daughter because he believes she can cure him?
I didn't think so...
So why would I, with a sound mind, allow a toxic individual to penetrate my life just because our blood shares DNA?
I won't...
And I'll take the verbal daggers thrown in anger because of my refusal to compromise.
Everyone has a toxic family member. (If you don't know who that someone is, it's probably you.) Some of them are abusive, alcoholics, junkies or mentally unstable, which can cause the other three.
With regards to my relative, I believe she has a mental illness that is going untreated.
So what should be done about them?
Stop giving them privileges they haven't earned.
NO!!!
You can't borrow money.
You can't come to my home unannounced.
You can't come to the kids' birthday party.
You can't be left alone with my child.
I will not accept responsibility for your actions.
I am not to blame for the life you have,
You can't use who I used to be against me. In fact, thank you for illuminating my growth.
I will not lie about your toxicity to my child.
I will not be an enabler.
YES!!!
I love you.
I will pray for you.
I will feed you. From the porch. You cannot come in my home.
I will give you a number to a shelter.
I will give you a personal hygiene care package.
I will visit you when you're doing well.
I will protect my mental and emotional health from you.
It is OKAY for you to distance yourself from a loved one. Sometimes, it's what's best for everyone involved.
I don't have to hate you to love me.
I don't have to compromise what I believe in to prove that I love you.
I don't have to pass judgement against the way you move to know that we don't move the same.
I don't have to become a victim of the guilt-trip you try to use against me.
I don't have to be dictated by the blood we share.
And so I won't.
The ONLY blood that can change my heart, mind and convictions is the blood of Jesus.
Signed,
A Newly Domesticated Lady
***I am not an expert. These are methods that have worked for me personally.***
This season addressed issues such as the lack of trust between officers and the people they police, dirty cops, gang activity and the way different people handle grief and guilt.
So as not to give away too much, I'm going to connect the dots of relevancy between this series and my point. In order to control the behavior of his boys in blue, the head dirty cop kept reminding the others that they were family, and that family sticks together. It doesn't matter if you're a murdering drug dealer. Your family should support, condone and even cover-up your ill-doings just because you're family.
The crazy thing is, I actually have a family member who feels the same way.
This relative is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive to her children. She sleeps around as if she's trying to set a record. She has very high highs and very low lows. In fact, the last week in January, she was seriously contemplating suicide. She has the ability to bring out the very worse in you, and then make you feel guilty for it. She refuses to accept responsibility for her actions. Every man she has had a child with has been abusive towards her, and she blames her childhood for her inability to have a healthy relationship.
She also lies. About anything. About everything. But she can't keep track of what she's said and who she said it to. She will lie when the truth will do. She has been this type of liar since she was a child. So much so, I have learned that if something she says doesn't make sense, it's a lie.
Finally, she is ALWAYS the victim!!!
And even with ALL of that, she can't understand why we aren't close. As far as she is concerned, I should allow us to have a closeness with one another, simply because we are blood related.
She wants me to put her desires above the requirements God has for me. She wants a position in my life that she has not earned.
This relative told me that I had no right crying over the death of a friend, because I did not cry when another one of boyfriends beat her up again. And she meant what she said. Because as far as she is concerned, "Blood is Thicker than Water."
And to that sentiment I say this, "Yes, blood is thicker. It's also messier."
Let's talk literally. Blood stains, permanently. We've all seen some type of forensics program where luminol will reveal blood that was spilled years before and even cleaned up. It doesn't matter if you can see it, smell it or are aware of it or not, that spilled blood is there. Usually you have to replace or repaint just so the damage it caused doesn't bother you. When water is spilled, you simply wipe it up, and you're done.
Continuing on our literal journey, what happens when you mix tainted blood with healthy blood? Does the healthy blood remove the HIV from the tainted blood, or does the virus spread making the healthy body its newest victim? Would really allow a man infected with HIV to penetrate your healthy daughter because he believes she can cure him?
I didn't think so...
So why would I, with a sound mind, allow a toxic individual to penetrate my life just because our blood shares DNA?
I won't...
And I'll take the verbal daggers thrown in anger because of my refusal to compromise.
Everyone has a toxic family member. (If you don't know who that someone is, it's probably you.) Some of them are abusive, alcoholics, junkies or mentally unstable, which can cause the other three.
With regards to my relative, I believe she has a mental illness that is going untreated.
So what should be done about them?
Stop giving them privileges they haven't earned.
NO!!!
You can't borrow money.
You can't come to my home unannounced.
You can't come to the kids' birthday party.
You can't be left alone with my child.
I will not accept responsibility for your actions.
I am not to blame for the life you have,
You can't use who I used to be against me. In fact, thank you for illuminating my growth.
I will not lie about your toxicity to my child.
I will not be an enabler.
YES!!!
I love you.
I will pray for you.
I will feed you. From the porch. You cannot come in my home.
I will give you a number to a shelter.
I will give you a personal hygiene care package.
I will visit you when you're doing well.
I will protect my mental and emotional health from you.
It is OKAY for you to distance yourself from a loved one. Sometimes, it's what's best for everyone involved.
I don't have to hate you to love me.
I don't have to compromise what I believe in to prove that I love you.
I don't have to pass judgement against the way you move to know that we don't move the same.
I don't have to become a victim of the guilt-trip you try to use against me.
I don't have to be dictated by the blood we share.
And so I won't.
The ONLY blood that can change my heart, mind and convictions is the blood of Jesus.
Signed,
A Newly Domesticated Lady
***I am not an expert. These are methods that have worked for me personally.***
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